


Do not tell me who I am

by Gavi



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, One Shot, POV Lena Luthor, Sam is mentioned but doesn't appear, SuperCorp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:13:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22183876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gavi/pseuds/Gavi
Summary: She thought she had learned and yet here she was, drinking alone with a framed photo in her hands, cold and lonely. She remembers taking that picture, she remembered being happy and safe and feeling like she belonged. How could she had been so wrong?
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 3
Kudos: 38





	Do not tell me who I am

Home is supposed to be a place where you belonged, where you felt safe and welcome. As Lena sat in her apartment, she couldn’t think of such a place. Her apartment was big and specious, cold and empty. The air in there was stale and it suffocated her. She never liked being here, now this was the only place she could bare to be.

  
Lena has spent so many nights at her office at L corp. she found a sense of belonging there, or rater a sense of being needed, having a purpose. Now that place had become unbearable to be. She had taken many naps on her couch there. It smelled like chocolate and donuts. No matter how much time passed it smelled the same.

  
In her office everywhere she turned there was a memory, tugged into things, hiding, ready to creep up on her. there was that smile, those eyes, those words. Her office was a trap, just like that smile had been a trap. And Lena had walked right into it.

  
It was a place where so many times Lena has poured her heart out, pulled her walls down, let herself be vulnerable, all the while that gorgeous smile hid such a great secret. All the time Lena had poured her heart out, did she ever consider doing the same? Did she ever felt that Lena has earned her trust? That Lena deserved the truth? After everything they been through, three years and so many smiles, so many lies, did Kara Danvers ever thought about telling Lena the truth?

  
Was she a fool or was Kara such a great liar? Or both? How could she had been so wrong about someone? She thought she had learned and yet here she was, drinking alone with a framed photo in her hands, cold and lonely. She remembers taking that picture, she remembered being happy and safe and feeling like she belonged. How could she had been so wrong?

  
She decided she was a fool. Kara was a temptation she could not resist. All her life trying to be someone who would fit her family’s image, or trying to be the person she wishes she could be. Someone who didn’t harm anyone, caused no pain, made no mistakes. And then came Kara. She didn’t demand, she didn’t even want anything really. She was just there, she accepted without any conditions. Lena’s family, her past didn’t matter with Kara. When she was at her lowest, at Sam’s house, drunk and delirious, full of self-blame Kara stood there, firm in her belief that Lena was innocent. She remembered when Kara stood by her, believing in her, defending her as she was arrested. She remembered when Supergirl came to her rescue, pinned Marcy against the wall and said the Luthor name doesn’t deserve Lena. When Supergirl looked her in the eyes, and told her she was better and smarter than Lillian.

  
Now that she knew the truth, Kara and Supergirl had started to merge in her mind. She remembered every time Supergirl saved her it was Kara saving her. When she thought Kara wasn’t by her side with the Lex situation, she had been as Supergirl. But then she also remembered Kara struggling to explain her absence and choosing to walk away instead of telling the truth.

  
She remembered _I flew here on a bus_ , when Supergirl said she was having coffee with Kara in the middle of the night. She remembered Kara saying _fly? Like Supergirl? I wish_. she remembered Kara’s panic in Katsina, her destroying the images that will link her to Supergirl and red daughter.

  
Kara didn’t just keep a secret she went out of her way to lie to Lena. She took Lena for an idiot and she was. Her lies were so obvious she should have seen trough them. Despite everything, despite all the hints, Lena never thought Kara could be Supergirl. Because there was no way, no way Kara Danvers would keep a secret so big for so long. Not from her.

  
She trusted Kara. Kara saw something in her that she didn’t knew was there. Kara would never leave her, never abandon her, she promised. Kara held her, made her feel warm and safe, and told her she was a brilliant, kindhearted, beautiful soul. As she heard the words come out of Kara’s mouth, she believed them, instantly. Kara didn’t saw a monster; she saw someone good. So, she must be. She must be if Kara believes it.

  
Except Kara didn’t believe it. Kara thought Lena was a fool. Kara thought Lena couldn’t be trusted. After every low point, Kara’s faith in her has brought her up. As she looked at the woman smiling in the picture, standing so close to her, with that infectious smile, she almost believed it was genuine. She almost believed Kara meant it every time she stood by her side. _Then maybe she did._ A voice in her mind that suspiciously sounded like Sam’s tugged at her.

  
If Kara believed her, she would have told her. _She did tell you._ Sooner. _Maybe she was afraid_. What did Kara had to be afraid of? Lena would have understood. She wouldn’t even had kept the kryptonite a secrete if she had known Supergirl was her best friend. She would have understood. She wasn’t the villain here. She couldn’t have possibly hated Kara. That was just an excuse Kara threw at her face, thinking Lena was still an idiot who will believe it. _but you do hate her now._ The voice in her mind insisted. Lena ignored it.

  
Kara was a liar, her faith in Lena was a lie, her trust in Lena was a lie. When she said Lena wasn’t evil, she didn’t mean it. Lena put aside the picture and got up from the couch. She ran her fingers through her hair, then went to the counter and poured herself another drink. Even her cold empty apartment has memories tugged in places now.

  
What she was doing was right. Humanity needed to be saved from itself. She wasn’t evil, she wasn’t the villain of the story. Kara was wrong. Her words were meaningless. Both these things couldn’t exist at the same time. If Lena was doing the right thing _are_ _you?_ Then Kara must be wrong. If Lena is doing the right thing, then Kara must think that she was a Luthor, that she wasn’t good, wasn’t trustworthy.

  
She couldn’t let Kara tell her who she was, because Kara can’t be right. Her faith wasn’t real, so she can’t possibly believe in her now that everything was out in the open. If she let Kara tell her who she was, she might just believe it. that can’t happen. Never again Lena was going to let her guard down, never again she would let anyone claim her heart the way Kara did.

  
So, she sat there in the dark, cold and alone, ignoring the warm memories taunting her from their hidden places all around.


End file.
